So . . hello out there. This blog is predominately for folks who know things aren't right in their lives. For example: troubled relationships, self-defeating behaviors, self-destructive behaviors, emotional detachment, intellectualizing, either over responsible or very irresponsible, caring for others rather than self, perfectionistic, over critical of self or others, unable to get along with authority figures, to name the common ones.
Are you 'sick and tired of being sick and tired' and ready to change? This blogger has found a healing technique that is working for her and wants to connect with others who are healing or want to change their lives from surviving to growing and thriving.
Check it out. Learn the basics of this technique and, if it resonates with you, put it to use in your life before hitting a bottom - a string of failed relationships; fired, laid off, quit, and not able to find and hold a job; addictions of self, friends, spouses, children; physical and/or mental illness caused by stress; financial ruin. There's a whole lot of bad out there.
This technique is known worldwide, is based on voluntary contributions, and can change your life from surviving to growing and thriving.
Had a discussion with a friend today about the 'spiritual ceiling'. This is a theory of mine that explains what happens when folks search for spirituality without doing emotional growth. This occurs frequently enough that it has a name - spiritual bypass. A glass ceiling affect occurs. Spiritual growth is limited unless emotional work has been done.
ReplyDelete'effect', that is.
DeleteDo you belong with us? We call ourselves 'Adult Children'. Even though grown, we react to many situations as children. We learned coping skills while growing up that helped us survive our childhood with adults who were not there for us emotionally. These survival skills worked for us then. We continue to use them as adults even though they no longer work well. They are automatic, ineffective, and inappropriate.
ReplyDeleteWe recognize each other by some common behaviors. See if you relate. There are a dozen or so of them.
ReplyDelete1)We tend to isolate ourselves and to feel uneasy around other people, especially authority figures. We sometimes hide this be behaving like 'party people'. We also may become authority figures ourselves.
Here's another common behavior: We are approval seekers and will do anything to make people like us. We are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that loyalty is undeserved
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We don't give a s..t about anything or anyone.
Moving on, here's #3: We are intimidated by angry people and personal criticism. This causes us to feel anxious and overly sensitive.
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We are rage-aholics, over critical of ourselves and others.
#4 Because we have low self esteem, we judge ourselves and others without mercy
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We turn to self destructive lifestyles.
#5 We habitually choose to have relationships with emotionally unavailable people with addictive personalities. We are usually less attracted to healthy, caring people
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We choose not to enter into long term, intimate relationships.
#6 We live life as victims and are attracted to other victims in our love and friendship relationships. We confuse love with pity and tend to 'love' people we can pity and rescue
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We victimize others in our love and friendship relationships.
OK, moving on. Here's #7 We feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves or act assertively. We give in to others instead of taking care of ourselves
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We insist that things be done only one way - our way.
Do you see yourself yet? Here's #8 We are overly responsible. We try to solve others' problems.
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We are very irresponsible, expecting others to be responsible for us.
EITHER WAY allows us to avoid looking closely at our own behavior.
#9. We have difficulty following projects through from beginning to end
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We procrastinate and do not begin appropriate projects.
I'm on a roll today - here's #10
ReplyDeleteInstead of confronting our issues, we cover up, rationalize, justify, or compensate by trying to be perfect, take responsibility for others, attempting to control the outcome of unpredictable events, get angry when things don't go our way, or gossip about others.
Even more self-defeating, we are addicted to excitement in all our affairs, choosing constant upset rather than workable solutions.
#11 We deny, minimize, or repress our feelings from our traumatic childhoods. We have 'stuffed' our feelings from childhood domestic trauma and have lost the ability to feel or express many of our feelings because it hurts too much. Though this helped us survive our childhoods, it handicaps us as adults. We are unaware of the negative impact this has on our lives.
ReplyDelete#12 We are terrified of rejection or abandonment. We tend to stay in jobs and relationships that are harmful to us. Our fears can both stop us from ending hurtful relationships/jobs and prevent us from choosing healthy, rewarding ones. We are loyal even in the face of evidence that loyalty is undeserved.
ReplyDelete#13 Because of the denial, control, fear, anger, and misplaced guilt in our past and present relationships, we feel hopeless.
ReplyDelete#14 We have difficulty with intimate relationships. We feel insecure and lack trust in others. We don't know what normal is. We don't have clearly defined boundaries and so become enmeshed with the needs and emotions of our family members, friends, and partners.
ReplyDeleteYeah, as you can see, there are a lot of negative impacts from childhood domestic trauma.
ReplyDeleteHere are the last ones -
#15 We have a strong need to be in control. We overreact to change over which we have no control.
#16 We tend to be impulsive. We take action before considering alternative behaviors or possible consequences. We are reactors rather than actors.
#17 Without recovery, we pass these traits on to our children, just as they were passed on to us.
This is a description, not an indictment. Once you recognize that you learned these traits as a child and how they continue to negatively affect your decisions today, you can choose to deal with the issues and greatly improve your life, especially your relationships.
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